


no one ever said it would be so hard

by Laeana



Series: built our house on glory (2020 podium) [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Ferrari - Freeform, Hugs, Lewis Hamilton as supportive bf, Love, M/M, Plans For The Future, Questioning, Sad with a Happy Ending, Team Feels, Tired Sebastian Vettel, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:16:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25312945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana
Summary: “They don't deserve you,” Lewis whispers in his ear. “They don't deserve you and you're worth a lot more than that."
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel
Series: built our house on glory (2020 podium) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833505
Comments: 3
Kudos: 61





	no one ever said it would be so hard

> "and sometimes, you try so much and you love so much what you are doing that it's a literal heartbreak to quit it."

And coming back to his lodge like that it’s-

A sigh passes his lips and it's almost painful. He has the impression that what he believes in is collapsing in front of him. He isn’t the first victim of the pangs of Ferrari, is certainly not the last.

Sebastian knows well that he shouldn’t pay attention to what is said about him in the press, everywhere, because once you start to care, you always dive deeper and he is not a big fan of self-flagellation. 

He doesn't need pity, he doesn't need those inquisitive glances. He needs to know what to do and it's so hard to stay confident when so many people are on his back and he has to keep ignoring him and he has to pretend everything is fine even if he’s shivering every so often and-

The truth is, he's tired of it all.

It’s in his nature to keep things for himself, to think by himself, and to care little of what is thought of him. It just becomes so obvious at some point that he doesn't even know how to dodge it anymore.

And Charles is young, and Charles is the future of the scuderia Ferrari.

In the event that Ferrari has a future.

He can never afford to collapse completely. He has done his interviews, he has finished his tasks, he’s going to pack up his things and head straight for Hungary. Nothing more, nothing less.

As for his current situation, its improvement ... he observes what is happening with a certain detachment. 

Because he loves this sport, that's for sure, his goal is above all not to come out disgusted and if he has to retire, he will simply say- 

He will say that it’s his time.

Even if, truth is, he wants more time. 

He can hardly believe it is already over. But he has had good years and it’s something that, yes, people often forget but he will never forget. The trophies which look at him from a shelf, carefully arranged.

He barely has time to realize that he has been devoured by his own thoughts that he finishes his suitcase. Look out the window to see others coming to repack. 

Race finished, Lewis won.

He thinks the oldest will win a new title this year. Seventh title, three more than him. It's just a shame that-

He looks up when he hears a knock on his door. And that's probably to tell him to hurry up so he'll open reluctantly and- 

Lewis.

“Can I come in ?”

He steps aside to let the British pass, who takes a few steps inside, already empty.

“Are you packing your things ?”

He shrugs.

“The race is over.”

He approaches the other pilot who seems to have taken a shower and changed before coming here. He can smell his shampoo from here and it makes him smile slightly.

“Why did you come ?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Lewis bits his lip, hesitating, before putting a hand on his shoulder. He just sighs, he knew very well that the subject was going to be brought up because after all-

The relationship they have now-

All these years ... 

Behind them.

“I don’t know.”

The hand of his companion drifts towards his face to stroke his cheek with the tip of his thumb. Gesture of tenderness. Because they really care about each other and the only thing he didn't allow himself to think of during the accident, during his end of the race, during Mattia's words, Charles' apologies , interviews-

This is how much he missed him.

“I don't like to see you like that.”

A sob stops his throat and he can no longer form words, correct sentences. There are so many things he would like to say. Like starting by reassuring the one in front of him, telling him that he shouldn't come to comfort him while he has a podium to celebrate but that's not what he really desires and he wonders if, for once, it's a bad thing if he's selfish.

“It's difficult, Lew, so difficult …”

They exchange a look and the oldest shifts slightly to take him in his arms. With the familiarity of the gesture and the comfort that he misses so much right now, on the verge of loneliness in front of so many people, he lets himself melt in the embrace. A few tears pass his eyelids.

“I don't want to worry about them, I don't want to worry about anything but myself but …”

He takes a panting breath.

“But I have the impression of having given so much, of having made so much effort which were useless. Who weren't even considered. Being sent off like this …”

All these years at Ferrari, doing his best but doing his best is never enough for them. And piece by piece, all his energy was wasted. It's so frustrating, frustrating that he can't keep going when he feels he can do so much more.

Frustrating and disappointing. Sebastian always thought that if it didn't come now, it would come from attempts, try. All for nothing. Just screwing his time up.

“They don't deserve you,” Lewis whispers in his ear and, in his tone, he can sense some anger in them. “They don't deserve you and you're worth a lot more than that, you know that. You're a world champion, a four-time world champion, you don't deserve that.”

He wonders if Lewis just tells him what he wants to hear or if he really means it. It's always hard to know, he is a little bit suspicious of it.

“Given the state of Ferrari at the moment, I'm glad you're quitting.”

A laugh escapes him, in the middle of all these tears shed.

“You're an idiot, damn it.”

“But that's why you love me.”

He shakes his head gently before moving back slightly. Lewis lets the embrace slip but keeps his arms around his neck. He leans forward, kisses him.

Roller coaster of emotions. Highs and lows. And Lewis is by far one of the most beautiful highs he has ever had.

“Thank you for being there, Liebe.”

“And what if, in thanks, you were taking me to where you were picnicking ?”

**Author's Note:**

> am i going to do an entire serie on this year's podium, linking each time a story and a drawing ? ... that's what is planned, don't know if I'll be able to do it though.  
> I hope you enjoyed this work ! i may say i love their relationship and Ferrari is kinda making me sad/disappointed, I think I gave up all hopes on this team ... ^^'  
> Thanks for reading my fic !
> 
> tumblr : laeana


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